Cross-Dressing Mania!
by MaryLynetteluvswriting
Summary: This oneshot series follows the schemes of Lynette, who manages to get Edward Elric, Roy Mustang, Alex Armstrong, Envy, Father, Hoenhiem, and more into either a skirt or dress. How does she do it, you wonder? Read and find out! Suggestive EdXOC


"I have a mission for you two."

Those words started something that I would never be able to forget.

Ed and I had been called to Mustang's office. Being in a good mood, I decided to attend rather than sneaking off and neglecting my duties, which, being the lazy ass I am, is what I'm known to do.

"OHH! A MISSION!" I said. It had been awhile since I got assigned a mission. All I had been doing lately is patrolling town and doing some errands. A new mission sounded fun.

"Yes, Lynette, a mission," Mustang sighed. I grinned and gestured for him to go on.

"Well," Mustang said, "Have you guys heard about the recent reports of people filed to be missing?" He asked. I frowned slightly, thinking for a brief moment.

"Now that you mention it, I did see some documents with a missing persons list," I said. I, being bored one day, had decided to steal one of Havoc's file folders and go through it. It was filled with files of missing persons.

"Havoc had it on his desk," I continued, "so I decided to steal it." Mustang and Ed sweat dropped as I went on, "There were files on thirty three missing persons, along with a sighting report on the criminal supposed to be behind their disappearances. I looked through it, and realized all the reports had three things in common."

"And what is that?" Mustang asked.

"One, the suspect had a habit of leaving notes depicting their target and time of appearance," I said, and Mustang nodded. He had known that one.

"Two, each missing person was from a considerably wealthy and well-known household." Mustang nodded. He knew that one two. And finally, for the one I was sure he didn't know...

"Every time each one disappeared," I started seriously, "They were all attending a masquerade party guarded by the same number of military soldiers, and all of them," I paused for a moment to add effect, "Had the exact same initials." I ended. Mustang was a bit surprised.

"How do you figure?"

"Maxwell Justin Park, Murine Jade Pandara, Marrie-Liry Jaily Prescibula, and the list goes on," I said, as if it were obvious. It kind of was, with all the names close together like that.

"Anyway, another report came out. A letter was sent to the Plakara family, and the target is the heir, Miles Jones Plakara. I want you two," He said, "To guard him at the upcoming masquerade ball they're hosting." Ed and I looked at Mustang boredly.

"So, you want us to babysit a grown man?" I asked bluntly. Mustang shook his head.

"This man is about your age," Mustang sighed towards me, "And I want you to disguise yourselves as one of the staff." I looked at Mustang, surprised.

"My age? That's weird… All the other victims that disappeared varied in ages, from fifty three to my age…. That is an irregular pattern," I said. Mustang nodded.

"And," He said, "The masquerade ball is tonight."

Oh, and this would be one hell of a night.

"Let me kill that bastard," Ed yelled. I snickered.

Ed and I were still at Headquarters, and our staff uniforms had arrived. Only it wasn't what we where expecting.

"HA!" I laughed, "THEY GOT YOU A MAID DRESS!" I was literally rolling on the floor laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. This was really funny. You might not think so, but you didn't see his face when he pulled out the uniform.

"Well, you have a maid dress too," Ed growled, "And its even less covering." He pulled out my uniform, which I haven't even seen yet. My eyes widened.

"LEMME KILL THAT SON OF A," I yelled, but was cut off by Ed.

"I can't wait to see you in this," He smirked. I nearly ripped his head off, but I settled for ripping my dress from his hands. I glared as him with as much venom I could muster, my voice dripping with poison as I said, "Let' get changed now."

Ed paled at hearing my voice, and started toward the men's bathroom to change. I entered the women's, sealing myself in a stall and hanging up the maids dress to glare at it in hope my eyes would burn a hole in it, but sadly I didn't have laser vision.

The dress was a sleek black. It had thin white lace shoulder straps, and a neckline that showed cleavage, a fair amount of it. White lace framed the neckline and the skirt, making it look classier. The skirt puffed out a lot, with lots of white underskirts, but only went to mid-thigh. Lucky for me, I had black spandex shorts that let me keep the color or my underwear to myself if I were to bend down. It was body-fitting around the middle, and the entire dress made me wonder what kind of women they hired for staff, cleaning ladies or lingerie models.

Putting it on was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my whole life. The back was corseted, so it took me awhile to tighten that. But when I was done, I almost couldn't breathe. It constricted my waist, making me look much curvier than I really am, but I found myself having to constantly pull the chest of the dress up, because I was used to wearing t-shirts. It's a jump to wear something like that. Plus I felt uncomfortable showing my legs so much. It was stressful, plus if I was seen like this by one of the Colonels or Majors, specifically Mustang and Armstrong, I would never live it down.

I stealthily snuck out of the women's bathroom, carrying my military uniform in my arms, into the room Ed and I would meet in. Luckily, I went unseen. That is, until I reached the room.

Mustang sat in a chair, waiting for me. My stomach churned. Oh, great, I forgot he was escorting us there…. Shit.

He grinned as he saw me cautiously approach.

"You look better than I thought you would," Mustang said.

"You better shut up before I stuff your pants with explosives," I snarled.

"Now, Lynette, is that any way to talk to your superiors?"

"Yes, it's a way. It's my way. Now shut up and let me borrow a trench coat." I growled.

"Ask nicely." I could tell Mustang was having a fun time teasing me about this. I was right, I'm never going to live this down.

"Mustang, let me borrow your trench coat unless you want this maid to boil your blood," I said in a sickly sweet sugar-coated voice. I approached Mustang, who's eyes widened. He knew I would actually burn him. He knew from that time when I…. Sorry, off track. ANYWAY, he got up and backed up as I looked at him with a ferocious glint in my eyes.

"LYNETTE! THIS IS NO WAY TO ASK YOUR SUPERIORS FOR SOMETHING!" Mustang scolded as I chased him around the room, clapping my hands together and trying to touch him. To Mustang, me burning him was scarier than Hawkeye holding a gun to his head, which I often asked her to do. What can I say, I'm a scary maniac.

And that's exactly when Ed walked in the room to find me, in a maids dress, chasing Mustang around the room.

I stopped in my tracks to stare at Ed.

And stare.

And stare.

…..

…..

….

….

Nope, still staring.

….

It was then my brain finally processed what I was seeing.

"Is that you, Ed?" I asked hesitantly. I saw Ed's cheeks burn in frustration and embarrassment.

"Yes." After I heard that, I was shocked beyond belief.

"Ed," I breathed, "You're beautiful." Mustang stopped in his tracks, looked at Ed, then burst out in his deep laughs. My eyes sparkled in admiration while Mustang was laughing his ass off.

It was true. Ed sported a long-sleeve long-skirt black dress with while ace lining the edges. It was covered with lace designs. He obviously had chest pads, and the dress showed no cleavage, and showed barely any skin, but he looked amazing. Somehow, the dress made him look like he had a feminine figure (I have no idea in hell how the dressmaker managed that) and he had his blonde hair down in golden waves. I could only guess that's his braid's fault. He looked so much like a girl model it was scary.

"Oh my god," I said, coming over to him. He gaped at my dress while I gaped at him in general. And Mustang just kept laughing his ass of in the background.

"All you need," I started, pulling out a small pouch, "Is makeup!" I knew Ed was embarrassed beyond comprehension. But he looked so good in the dress, even if it wasn't revealing at all, that I was slightly jealous. Yes, call me weird, but that's what I felt while putting light makeup on Ed. He looks hotter than me as both genders! I thought in my head, That's outrageous!

"Done," I said, packing up my makeup. I turned away from Ed abruptly, putting my makeup with my uniform. I was actually really pissed. I had worked hard my whole life on my appearance, and Ed beat me. I felt very, very insulted. Why did the world give this boy such a wonderful appearance?

Once I glared at the laughing Mustang, he immediately shut up. Why? Because my eyes were blazing so hot it looks could kill then Mustang wouldv'e died. Why was I angry? I was pissed at Ed, who looked like a girl model. Who shared the same level of beauty as me. Who wouldn't be pissed?

We finally arrived at the home of the Plakara's, which was literally almost as big as the Whitehouse. IT WAS GIGANTIC. The exterior was a light tannish-white, with an amazing variety of lovely flowers by the front to form a garden, with a stone walkway that must've taken a master stonemason.

I was amazed one family alone could afford such luxury, as we were escorted to the maid's entrance to meet the staff and the wife of the owner of the house.

Even the kitchen was modern (well, modern for FMA anyway). I could see at least twenty maids grouping around the center of the kitchen, which was cleared, and they were apparently waiting for us. Mustang and two other military soldiers walked beside us over to the group of maids. A tall, thin young woman with long, flowing brown hair dressed in an elegant gown came to meet us.

"You must be the one in charge of protecting my son," The woman said in a sweet, slightly accented voice, addressing Mustang. He nodded.

"These two," Mustang gestured to Ed and I, "Are some of the best fighters in the military. They'll be on guard as well as the other men posted around the building," Mustang informed the woman. She nodded and smiled warmly at Ed and I, which I returned. This woman seemed nice, especially with those beautiful sea blue eyes of hers.

Mustang and the woman talked a little bit more before he went off with the other men to patrol the grounds. The woman gestured us to follow her as she joined the group of maids, which were wearing the same outfits Ed and I were.

"Please introduce yourselves to the maids," The woman said to Ed and I. I nodded.

"My name is Lyra," I said with a small curtsy, "And next to me is Ella. She's mute, so I'll answer any questions you have for us," I said. I couldn't let Ed speak because then it'll give his being a male away.

One maid, who wore the same outfit as me, asked, "Lyra, your one of the personal maids, right?" She gestured to my dress, and I nodded, hoping I was right. "Well, who are you going to take care of?"

Thankfully, the woman I met before saved me by saying, "She'll be the personal assistant of the young master tonight." That earned me lots of glares. I looked back at them, confused, but not offended.

"Will Ella be working with the kitchen or serving staff?" Another maid asked.

"She will be working with the serving staff." The woman replied for me. I thanked her with my eyes for saving me again. Ed just stood there, spacing out.

A few more simple questions were asked about ourselves before all the maids had to get back to work. A girl, one of the only ones who wasn't constantly glaring at me, offered to help Ed along since he was new. I left him in her care, while the woman had me follow her into the GINOURMOUS ballroom, as long as a football field, filled with many people in lovely ballgowns and tuxes. And they were all wearing intricate masks to cover their faces. The woman pulled on her mask, but assured me I didn't need one.

We approached two men that were chatting, and the woman talked briefly with them before one man went away and she led the other back to me.

"Miles, this is your personal assistant for the night," She said, motioning at me. I looked up at the man's face after curtsying.

Alright, this was Miles, right? The heir? My age? Then why did he look so mature? He looked like a seventeen year old. He was tall, taller than me, and lanky. He wasn't thin but wasn't muscular, he was like a male model. He had black hair that had a slight bluish tint, and enchanting dark blue eyes. His face was covered by a bird mask with sleek black raven feathers, and had dark jewels encrusted around the edge .He wore a midnight-colored suit that emphasized his long body, complementing his eyes and hair. I was stunned. No wonder most of the maids went all vicious on me. This guy was gorgeous!

"Hello," I said, smiling at him. He returned it with an adorable crooked grin. The woman left us to do something else, so I was alone to stand by his side.

"I haven't seen you before. What's your name?" He asked me.

"I'm Lyra, and I'm new," I said, curtsying once more.

"Lyra, what a musical name," He complemented, "I'm Miles. Very nice to meet you." He said. I smiled and nodded, thinking, This'll be an eventful night.

After following him around for an hour to greet everyone, Miles decided to take a brake.

"Would you like some water?" I asked, holding up a glass filled with said liquid. Miles graciously accepted, taking small sips as he watched the ball. The music had started, and people started to dance, elegantly gliding across the floor with the grace of swans. I watched, amazed. I had always wanted to go to a real ball, ever since I was a kid, but I never expected they had those anymore, especially in the FMA world. But, thankfully, I was wrong. _I feel so happy, I could just kiss Mustang!...Wait, scratch that, I would never kiss that smartass._

I spotted Ed, or, shall I say, Ella, replacing an empty platter with a full one on one of the tables filled with food near to here. I saw him glance up at me, but was distracted by Miles.

"Have you ever been to a ball?" He asked, his eyes on me. I smiled, but shook my head.

"No, sir, this is my first time." I said. He grinned at me.

"Well, what do you think?" He wanted to hear my thoughts? Isn't that wrong for a maid to tell the one she's serving her thoughts? Isn't she just supposed to smile and serve him and stuff? I had no idea what do, my brain all scrambled up and crazy as it is. Even though I had went to a private school that teaches manners and everything, I had no idea what to do when I was a servant!

"You can give me your honest opinion, you know," Miles assured as if he read my mind. I grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry, sir," I said, "But I think this ball is absolutely marvelous." I marveled at the whole view. Miles laughed.

"You look cute when you gape at things like that," He laughed. I blushed, but grumbled in my head, _Aww damn it, he's the charming type._

I didn't like that type because I simply felt they weren't natural. They weren't saying their real opinions, and they hid behind flattery. I didn't like masked people (a/n: meaning people who fake emotions and such, don't take it literally XD). I like the type like Ed, who voice their opinions loudly, even if it's annoying sometimes. But, since he was an heir of a fairly wealthy household, I can understand why he acts like that.

"I hope it's not rude of me to say this," I said unsurely, "But you can act yourself around me. I'm not going to judge you." I felt nice saying that. If I wanted to get his job done, I would have to have Miles act normal with me. _If he keeps complimenting me, I'll have the urge to drive my fist into that pretty face of his._

He looked surprised, but nodded. I saw Ed, out of the corner of my eye, give Miles his worst glare. Ed caught my gaze and I mouthed _, "Stop it or I'll boil your blood too."_ He apparently got what I said because Ed then hightailed it to the kitchen with empty platters in his hands.

"Let's go to one of the balcony's." Miles said, starting to walk through the crowded ballroom. I followed him, making sure to stick close to him, because it was around the destined time.

Next thing I know, we're on the balcony. The night sky above us, stars gleaming beside a snow white crescent moon. Miles walked over to the railing and leaned on it, looking at the moon, deep in thought. I stood beside him patiently, glancing around the balcony to observe any place someone could sneak in.

"Master Miles," I said cautiously. He turned to me, snapping out of his daze.

"Yes?"

"Please be," I started, but was interrupted by high shrieks and loud yells. I spun round to find the lights had gone out, veiling the house in darkness. I heard the sound of the nearby bell tower strike twelve at night, the bell's low rings loud.

My eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness just to spot a person, quickly accelerating toward Miles.

I acted quickly, wasting none of my breath to warn Miles. I swiftly yanked him out of the way, tripping the person as I directed them over the railing. But this one was no rookie. Before they fell, the person grabbed onto the railing and bounced off the railing to flip and face me. They lunged at me, and I caught a glint of a hidden knife in their hand. I deftly dodged it, knocking the knife to fly straight up in the air as I went into a quick hand-to-hand combat fight before landing a kick on the person and thrusting them away, catching the knife just in time and twirling it through my fingers. I grinned as they sprung toward me, this time going for my head. I grabbed the person, though, and slammed them to the ground face down, sitting on them and grabbing one arm to pull it up. I realized, as the person let out a slight cry in pain, that this was a man.

I kept the person there as the lights turned back on and the military men assured people everything was alright. Ed walked out on the balcony to stand next to me.

"Can you knock this guy out for me? I don't want to get blood on my hands," I said to Ed, motioning the guy. Ed swiftly knocked the guy upside the jaw, knocking him out cold. I got up and brushed myself off just as Mustang arrived.

"Well done once again, you two," He said. Miles strode over to us.

"Yes, thank you." He said. I looked at him.

"You knew I was with the military?"

"Yes. I also know your name is actually Lynette." I glared at Mustang.

"Then why did you tell us to keep a façade?" I asked irritatedly.

"The suspect could have been dressed as a maid, like you two are." He pointed out. I sighed and turned to Miles.

"Sorry for lying," I said sheepishly. Miles assured me it was okay. We smiled at each other, and I could see Ed glaring at Miles and I could hear Mustang mutter while sweat dropping, "_Since when does Lynette flirt…._" My eyebrow twitched as I turned to Mustang.

"You better shut up," I said, removing a grenade I had hid in my skirt, "Or this goes in your pants." Mustang gulped as Miles and Ed snickered.

"Ed, lets go before Colonel smartass gets any more ideas." I started to leave, but Miles tapped my shoulder, stopping me.

"Wait," He said, "Can you come over again sometime? As a friend, this time?" I smiled genuinely at Miles.

"Of course!" I exclaimed.

~*~

Ed and I were back at Headquarters, dressed in our usual, the blue military uniform for me, leather pants and a black tanktop and his red coat for Ed.

"Ed~" I whined, tugging on his arm, "Are you mad at me? What'd I do?" Ed did seem mad. And for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why.

"He's mad because you because you captivated Miles~" Mustang chuckled. I smirked, puffing up my chest.

"Of course," I said arrogantly, "My beauty captivates all, capturing the hearts of men everywhere I go~" I sang, doing a little funny dance. Mustang grinned slightly.

"Well, I know one person who's heart is yours~" Mustang said, sending a knowing look toward Ed. Ed looked as if he were about to murder Mustang. I smirked, pointing to Ed and laughing.

"You're JEALOUS!" I said, cracking up. Ed and Mustang both sweat dropped thinking, _How can one girl be so oblivious…._

After that little adventure, I could always get whatever I wanted from Ed, because all I had to do is remind him of that little cross-dressing incident… And he becomes me slave. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

~*~

Hey guys! This is the first oneshot of my new series, a series that has scenarios that will get most of the main male characters in FMA into a skirt or dress of some sort. And for those of you that have read chapter 2 of my 'One Happy Camper' series, this is the oneshot I promised you! I decided to do this one longer than other things I've written. How do you like it?

P.S. I don't own FMA…. HURTS EVERY TIME!

Anyway, my lovely readers, please review~

Thanks!


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